Why aren’t most gay dating apps trans friendly?

“Trans people belong here”

I started using gay dating apps like Grindr when I moved to swansea – I wanted to see who was around and I wanted to make friends but I slowly became a person that everyone abused and hated because I was in fact a trans guy using a gay mans app.

I’m male, I like men, which makes me gay (woo). When I was in Manchester I received a message that I’ve seen 1000 times – “how is Grindr for the trans community” which made me want to write this blog post.

Over the last 12 months Grindr has become amazingly trans* friendly by allowing you to self identify as trans, and you can put your pronouns into your “about me” section which is an amazing thing as people can read it and just automatically know if you are trans / if they’re not sure about pronouns they now know.

I hardly ever use Grindr, hornet or scruff as I always feel intimidated by some of the messages I receive. I constantly get told that I’ll never be seen as male within the gay community, I get told that I won’t be loved by a gay man and some of the messages I receive are too disgusting to repeat. I constantly feel like I’m at the centre of someone’s fetish – being who I am isn’t a fetish, being trans isn’t a fetish and I refuse to talk to anybody who sees me as a fetish, or something they want to “try”.

Some gay individuals forget that not everybody on the site is gay, there’s bisexual individuals, pansexual individuals and a ton of other individuals. So I, as a transgender individual is allowed to use Grindr because I do come across some genuine people, and I do get respected in some cases.

I hope that in the next few years people can open their eyes, and minds a bit more when it comes to trans people on gay dating apps as we are just like everybody else, just a little different. Has anybody had any other experiences? Let me know!


I have started a Just Giving page to help me with the costs of my top surgery. I am currently saving up every penny I have, I am working part time in McDonald’s and I am also in university so money is already extremely tight for me. Over the last year my mental and physical state has gone downhill due to me binding and having moobs – I wear my binder for 15 hours a day because I am so self conscious and that is putting extreme pressure on my back and upper body. So far I have saved up £2,000 and altogether I need around £6,500 (For the surgery, hotel costs and transport costs). If you could spare any sort of change – it would honestly mean the world to me and I promise I will repay the favour at a later date. You can check out my Just Giving page here.

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