Why is there such toxic masculinity within the transgender community?

“Don’t try to impress people. Always be yourself”

Before I came out as trans – I was told on a daily basis that I was “too masculine” and suddenly when I came out – I was too “feminine” so for almost 9 years I have been told that the way I am / act is always incorrect – and I feel like its such a taboo issue within the transgender community.

I have spoken about the bullying, harassment and death threats that I received when I was 16 – and it was from a trans guy who claimed that I wasn’t “truly” trans, I wasn’t “masculine enough” to be trans and because I wasn’t medically transitioning it meant that I was lying to those around me for attention.

I used to try and act super masculine, and over the years I have learnt that that isn’t me – for years I wanted my nose pierced but I was too scared in case those around me thought I was “too feminine to be trans” but one day I saw a bunch of guys and key celebrities who had nose piercings and it inspired me, whilst extremely hungover I decided to do it and I loved it!

I find that within the trans male community there is a huge pressure to act or conform to a masculine roll – otherwise people don’t see or accept you as who you are. If a trans man wants to wear a skirt – that is okay. If a trans man wants to wear nail polish – that’s okay. You don’t have to live up to other peoples expectations – the only expectations you have to live up to is your own – and that is important to remember!

An awful lot of transgender individuals feel the pressure of acting feminine, or masculine and that is something we need to try and erase from the trans community – as it can be so harmful and can stop people from being themselves – and that isn’t worth it.

We need to start being ourselves, our authentic selves. We need to start loving ourselves as we are, and we need to start spreading positive vibes to those around us and complement people on who they are – rather than slander them!

I have started a Just Giving page to help me with the costs of my top surgery. I am currently saving up every penny I have, I am working part time in McDonald’s and I am also in university so money is already extremely tight for me. Over the last year my mental and physical state has gone downhill due to me binding and having moobs – I wear my binder for 15 hours a day because I am so self conscious and that is putting extreme pressure on my back and upper body. So far I have saved up £2,000 and altogether I need around £6,500 (For the surgery, hotel costs and transport costs). If you could spare any sort of change – it would honestly mean the world to me and I promise I will repay the favour at a later date. You can check out my Just Giving page here.

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