“The whole point in being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be” – Oprah
Over these last few months I have disowned my blog badly – I have been busy because I have lost people close to me, I have been ill on multiple occasions, I have been studying and I work a part time job so trying to fit in my blog is hard, and I apologise for it.
On the 15th of August 2017 I got my first testosterone jab, I was sitting in the doctors excited and nervous at the same time because I knew I could start a fresh chapter in my life. Once I had the jab I was smiling for hours, and even days because I finally got there. I decided not to start testosterone any earlier because I am a person that cannot cope with change and my life has dramatically changed in the last year and half. I started university, I moved away from home into a student accommodation block with 15 other people, I made new friends and I was financially and mentally supporting myself and I knew that if I started testosterone around that time that my own mental health could be at huge risk, so I made the adult decision not to do it until I was ready.
I had my hospital appointment in June 2017 with Dr Seal where we discussed the “physical” stuff, He asked how I was born, if I was born according to plan, how I was growing up, If my genitals were normal (Weird question I know) and then he weighed me, took my height and did my blood pressure. He asked if I smoked, did drugs or drunk as all of these points can cause complications whilst having testosterone.
The one thing that was flagged up in my appointment was my weight – I’m overweight and I have always known that. I have always had a weird friendship with food and I’m extremely fussy in what I eat. I got told that I’d need to lose around 4 stone to be able to have top surgery and that broke my heart, I have never imagined myself weighing less than I did at the time, nor did I feel the need to lose weight but since New Year I have managed to lose almost two stone, which I am so happy about – I’m just praying that by the time I do have top surgery I will be at the weight I need to be!
Since starting testosterone I have kept a tracker on how I have been, what has changed and overall differences I have noticed;
- Mood – My mood has changed dramatically over these last few months. For the first few months I was an emotional wreck, during Pride I was crying over the smallest comments made to me (it is always an emotional weekend, but it hit me twice as hard this year). But ever since, I haven’t been able to cry which is weird as I do cry a lot, and I need to cry most days but I can’t, it’s like T has switched off my tear duct! I have also become slightly more angry / inpatient with certain things which isn’t like me, when I first started going through puberty I had really bad anger issues and I used to go to anger management because I was bad – I’m not half as bad as I was at the age of 13 but i’m definitely more angry than I have ever been since then.
- Voice – My voice has changed SO much over the last 6 months. Within the first 3 months I started noticing changes, and as I work in McDonald’s I always have to shout so my voice always drops and it is slightly funny. I felt no physical issues when my voice was dropping, I heard that some people had a sore throat when theirs did but I never experienced any of it. Here is a voice showing my voice development in the last six months.
- Beard – I first started developing a beard within the first month of starting T – Although it is still thin and patchy I don’t think it will be long until it starts coming through properly.
- Physical Changes – There have been so many physical changes! I have lost almost two stone in the space of two months which is amazing (I’m not sure whether this is T related or me just being more active). I have noticed that my sex drive has rocketed sky high – I was expecting this so thankfully it wasn’t too much of a shock as it is a normal thing to feel when starting T. I haven’t been “on” since June, which is fantastic for me, I didn’t get many when I was pre-t so it didn’t effect me too much but knowing that they’re over and done with makes me happy! Lastly I have also noticed a change in my bo smell / urine smell – It is very weird to notice something so small but my urine smell has become a whole lot stronger and I am started to sweat more than average which is causing me some self confidence issues but i’m sure, overtime I will get over it!
I am so happy with where I am right now, I am slowly learning more about myself, I am becoming myself and I’m becoming more happy within my skin. I have so many more jabs, so many more operations and so many more challenging hurdles to face but I have so much belief in myself, and I know one day I will see myself properly in the mirror!
If you have any questions or queries please don’t hesitate to email me on firstname.lastname@example.org !