I don’t think I’ve spoken about my coming out story on my blog, which is something that needs to be addressed. Speaking about my own experiences is something I do on a regular basis and knowing that I’m missing some vital information of my blog is worrying! So here I go:
When I was around 11 years old I was living in Yorkshire and I started to develop breasts which broke my heart as I knew this wasn’t supposed to be happening. Either on that day, or a few days after woods I wrote a note stating that I didn’t want to be alive, I locked my bedroom door and slid the note under the door, I can’t remember much from then but I know it broke my Mums heart. That was the first moment when I knew something was wrong with the way I felt towards myself.
From around November 2012 – February 2013 I was seeing a school counsellor due to my anger issues, my self harming, my depressive thoughts, the bullying I was having and my own personal life. One day during January I decided to tell the counsellor how I truly felt about myself and my body, explaining the fact that I didn’t feel feminine nor female and that I hated my body since starting puberty due to feeling as if I shouldn’t have periods nor breasts. After explaining this whole situation to her she explained to me the term transgender, and at that moment in time a light bulb clicked in my head, as I knew this is how I felt and it felt correct.
After seeing the counsellor I spent weeks researching what the term Transgender meant and started to understand myself and become aware of who I was, and what it means. On the 25th of February I was having a really bad day, I had relapsed with my self harm and I was on the verge of ending everything, I decided to message my friend Kirsten from Scotland and tell her the truth and once I explained the truth to her, she was so accepting, I told her that I was going to change my name to Alex and I wanted to go by male pronouns, on the day she saved me from possibly ending my life and she helped me take the first steps in coming out.
A few days later I went to school and pulled aside a few of my best friends, I explained that I am Transgender and that I was going by the name Alex and male pronouns. After a few weeks I became the hot topic of the whole school, everybody was talking about the fact that I was transgender, but it was mostly hate because nobody understood what the term transgender was. One of my biggest struggles was ignoring the hate, I got comments from staff, students and random people in the streets as everything in Cwmbran spreads like wildfire. From coming out I experienced daily bullying, verbal abuse, I got pushed into a bush once and called a “Tranny”. Whilst studying for my GCSE’s I was more worried about getting home without a bruise or a cut than my actual exams.
In September 2013 I went to school and I was super happy, I had an amazing day, after school I went to see my friends, I ordered myself a new binder and it was just a happy day. When I arrived home I knew something was wrong with my Mum, she told me to go into the living room and she addressed me about the fact that I smoke, I smoked weed and the fact that I was transgender. For some reason it broke my heart, she found out from someone else and not myself. One of my biggest regrets was not telling my family face to face but I had this huge fear of regret.
When I left school life became a little bit easier, in January 2015 I stuck up for someone who wasn’t out as transgender yet as he got bullied online and I wasn’t having any of it. After weeks of being tormented it came to an end, but the only result was the fact that I had a bruised face and I lost a good group of friends. I got assaulted because I am transgender, I stood up for another transgender individual and because this individual who I thought was my “friend” didn’t actually like me.
2015 I was harassed for months by this couple who lived in England, they didn’t know who I was and they had no connection to me whatsoever. One day they had got my number and from that day I received threats over the phone and social media. One of the comments that stuck was the fact that I got told by her partner who is a transgender male that I am not “Truly transgender” because I hadn’t gone to get help to transition, I explained multiple times that it wasn’t for me just yet as I was waiting for my family to get used to the idea.
In 2015 I started to campaign for transgender youth and the right for transgender individuals, over the years my family had struggled to get used to who I truly was, but after going on ITV Wales they understood that this wasn’t a phase and they became amazing after that.
During this time I was struggling with my sexuality, I wasn’t sure whether I was gay, straight, bisexual or pansexual. By the end of 2015 I came out as gay, I had experiences with men and I felt more attracted to men mentally and sexually. After coming out as gay I didn’t experience any issues other than love.
To this day I am thankful for who I have in my life, I am thankful for those who have stuck by me, I am thankful for all of the opportunities that I have been given, I am thankful for those individuals who I have met and I am thankful to those who has encouraged me to follow my dreams regardless of who I am. I wouldn’t be where I am without those that have challenged me and inspired me to be the best.
If you haven’t come out yet here are some of my key tips:
- Ensure that you have a safe environment to come out in – If you parents or carers might react badly to the situation ensure that you have a safe space to go whether its another family members house or a friends house as you always need to ensure that you are safe.
- Never let anybody tell you who you are. You know who you are, You know what is right for you. Be true to yourself, and be honest with yourself.
- Remember you are not alone, most transgender individuals are going through the same situation.
- Join online groups, whether its Facebook groups or individuals on YouTube / Instagram / Twitter / Tumblr. Those individuals online can answer questions that you can’t ask your friends or family and they are the best support groups around.
I have been nominated for an award!!!
I have recently been nominated for the positive role model within the LGBT+ Community, which is awarded by the national diversity awards here in the UK. If you would like to vote for me, check out the link here.