As a new blog project idea I decided to allow LGBT individuals of all ages, background, races, religion and origin write their own blog post for my blog. I decided to do this as writing about my own story is getting extremely boring, and everybody’s story is different and unique so I want to highlight that. Here is Alex Henderson’s story:
In society, gender has been limited to one of two. People believe you’re either a male, or a female. But who do they think you are to determine your gender? Just because biology states that if you have a vagina you’re a female, or if you have a penis you’re a male. If science is 100% accurate, then why doesn’t it explain my gender? Or any other gender on or off the spectrum for that matter.
Growing up, I was never entirely happy with myself. Sometimes, I would take a look at myself and absolutely hate the body I’m in. There would be times when I would take a look at myself and think ‘actually, I can learn to live with this’. Then there were times when I thought ‘why would I even question this? I’m beautiful’ (No big headed-ness intended). From a young age I started to question my gender. Hanging around with all my girly friends at the time, I never felt like I fitted in all of the time. I knew as soon as I started to feel uncomfortable that I didn’t like being defined as purely female. However, my primary school was one of those schools were gender is an important thing. Girls line up on this side, boys on the other. Girls sit over there, boys sit over there etcetera.
I wanted to know why, if I’m a female why do I not always feel like one? At the time, I thought I was a transgender male. This really scared me. Not because the thought of being trans scared me haha, but because how would I tell people? My mum? My friends? My transphobic auntie? So I hid it. I started high school. In year 7, I thought that would be my year. The year I was ready to come out. But I was wrong. The amount of negativity around me, towards the LGBT+ community was horrendous (I think people should be educated about such things, but who am I to say? I don’t know anything). So I kept quiet. However, I was still subconsciously questioning my gender. I hadn’t admitted to myself that I was a trans male, that’s just what I thought I was.
I was so secretive about it, that I didn’t even tell my youth worker, who I was seeing as a counsellor from year 9 through to year 11. Far before this time I had admitted that I definitely wasn’t purely a female. But I always wasn’t purely a male. So what was I? Then I found stuff about more genders. That’s when I came to realise, the world isn’t limited to just female and male. There are some people who don’t even identify as either (agender). That’s also when I came to realise I was gender fluid. It just explained my situation so much, it explained why I didn’t want to be a girl, but I also didn’t want to be a boy. It explained why sometimes I felt more comfortable in my body and sometimes I felt less comfortable. It explained a lot of things about myself.
So I admitted to myself I was gender fluid. But I still hadn’t come out. Ideally I wanted to wait until after I finished school. I’m going to university in September, I thought maybe going there I would be more accepted and respected than I would be in a high school full of immature children, who think if you’re a girl and you have short hair, you must be a lesbian. Last year, at the end of year 12, I couldn’t take it no more. I decided it was time for me to tell at least one person. But I didn’t know how. I wrote my mum a really long essay (lol XD) explaining that I was gender fluid and pansexual, along with what it meant. At first she was really confused. But quickly came around to it.
Everybody in my family and my friends I told were fine with it. (Although I didn’t tell my auntie because lol no). I cut my hair and started wearing male clothes. Everyone was still fine with it. Then I said I was going to change my name. At first people thought I was joking. They thought I wouldn’t have to change my name because it’s “not like I’m an actual boy”. But then I paid the £37 pound to get my name changed to Alex and my title changed to Mx, people finally started to take me seriously.
So that’s my gender journey. There’s still some unsupportive people (cough my auntie cough), but that’s just how life goes. At the end of the day, if you’re happy then no one else should depict that. You are who you are. Even if nobody really knows what your gender means xD.