In two day’s I start college again and I’m so scared!
I am studying Public Services at Coleg Gwent college. This course consists a variety of different subjects, but it focuses on the public service side of things like the fire service, army, police and paramedic, this course prepares you to go into the public services job’s.
I had a meeting with my head of department last week and he highlighted two things that Is going to happen:
- I’m not allowed to change with the boys – The head of department said that because I haven’t been born physically male it means that I have to change in my own individual changing room. He wants to protect his other students rights because he has a feeling that it can turn into a massive issue if any students do find out I am transgender. I’m pretty angry because I’m not going to look at the boys inappropriately, I’m there to get changed ready to do sports and that’s it. I feel like I’m being shoved into my own individual room and once again being made to feel different. I want to be treated as a normal boy but that’s gone down the drain. On a positive note he did change my gender on the system to male because he say’s its my basic human rights!!
- I have to be prepared for people to talk about my scars – I got very angry over this moment. I have been clean from self harm for over 2 years now, Yes I still have scars, Yes I used to hurt myself on purpose but he has no right to say that! I have had comments for the last 2 years so I’m prepared for them. Everybody has scars, you don’t need to make it such an issue.
After this meeting I walked out feeling so angry and so upset, I just wanted to be treated like a normal boy, But once again this isn’t going to happen.
Do I tell people in college that I’m transgender or keep it hidden?
The other week I decided that in college this year I’m going to not tell anybody that I’m transgender. I’ve been out for 2 and a half years now and it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier. As I am male on the system, legally Alex (compared to last year) I have decided to keep it as quiet as I possibly can! I wonder how long this will last?
I’m so scared about starting college, This will be the first year that Ill legally be known as Alex and male and I’m pretty nervous about the whole situation, especially changing on my own. Oh well, Life goes on!!