Ever since I was younger my relationship with food hasn’t been the best and recently I have started to realize how bad my eating has come.
When i was 13 i went through stages of starving, binge eating and purging which consisted until the beginning of last year. Thankfully i haven’t starved or purged in a while but binge eating is still a massive constant battle. On some days i forget to eat, but other days i can consume 7,000 calories, surly that isn’t normal? I have tried to cut down my eating habits but its so hard, because i’m such a ‘fussy eater’.
I refuse to eat or try certain foods like sandwiches, cooked dinners, jam, chicken, beef, pork, lamb, vegetables, fish, yogurts, pasta, sweets, egg’s, mash etc. I’m not 100% sure why i refuse to eat these sorts of foods but I’m either really scared or i don’t like the texture of them so i try to avoid it at all times.
Also i get put off food quite a lot because i think about where it came from, for example i could be eating bacon and suddenly remember it came from a pig and i won’t eat anything else for the rest of the day. I hate knowing that an animal has been killed to keep me alive and knowing that it used to be alive and breathing freaks the hell out of me!!
In September 2014 i weighed around 13/14 stone on the day of my jaw surgery and by the time it was December i weighed 12 stone because i couldn’t eat anything! But 7 months down the line i now weigh 17 stone which is not okay for me, this isn’t right..
I have this massive battle with food and i’m not too sure whether it is a battle, or if i’m a fussy person. But i’m starting to realize that my eating is getting worse and i really don’t know what to do..This year i started to try new foods, so far this year i have tried faggots, meatballs, cottage pie, nachos and lots of other things! I didn’t really like the cottage pie but at least i tried them!!
Binge eating is starting to control my life and i really need to get better, before it gets out of hand. I guess i need to fight my fears and try my hardest to get back onto track and get healthy…because right now, i’m really unhealthy.