In life we all get a moment where there will either be a positive or negative outcome with situation, whether it’s come out as a LGBT+ person, whether it’s telling your parents you’re failed your exams, there will always be the two words popping up on a daily basis and each and every one of us has experienced a positive and negative moment in life.
When coming out as trans I had several negative points and several positive points, coming out is a hard thing to do, whether you’re coming out a gay, lesbian, transgender, bisexual etc.
Some of the negatives of me coming out including The fact that being transgender is such a taboo subject, if you go up to a random person in the street and ask them what the meaning of being transgender is I bet they will get it wrong. Nobody understands what it means to be trans and nobody understands what it consists of, in my coming out it was very had due to people my age/teachers to understand so I had to educate them into what it meant, because it’s more than ‘wanting to be a boy’. Also another negative reason for me coming out was that quite a few people I know are transphobic which caused them to hate on me even more, which was silly because they simply don’t understand, and who that hell has a phobia of transgender people? More like being an idiot. Another negative reason for me to come out is that the bullying increased, growing up I got bullied for lots of different reasons, because I wore glasses, because I had no friends and during high school I was labeled as a ‘truck driver’ and ‘butch’ because I was more masculine than feminine, so coming out gave the bullies a little thing extra to bully me about, I was called a tranny on a daily basis, I got told to kill myself, I got called worthless etc. when coming out for some reason I got treated differently, I got treated like an alien. Telling my family that I was transgender was going to be my toughest battle because I was petrified that they would walk out on me or never speak to me or accept me ever, I can’t say I understand what they’ve had to feel but it must be heartbreaking finding out that your daughter/sister/niece/grand daughter is truly your son/brother/nephew/grand son, but every single one of my family members adapted to it, even though it’s taking a while which I understand. Just after I came out within the first 5 months everybody called me a lier, at the age of 15 I came out, nobody believed me and for half of the time it was put down to myself being in ‘denial’ with my sexuality and because of what happened in my past. I do not lie and I wouldn’t lie about something as serious as this, only recently people have been saying ‘I understand it now, I know you’re only trying to be yourself’.
Some of the positives of me coming out included one of my main positive outcomes of coming out, I started to recover from self harm, I battled for 3 years with self harm and I was in a very bad place at the time and as soon as I came out I didn’t feel the need to beat myself up anymore because I knew that how I felt wasn’t my fault, yes I still get bad days but thankfully I don’t self harm anymore. One thing I wanted at the age of 15 was to wake up one morning and have a purpose and for some reason after coming out I had that purpose to get out of bed, that purpose was to become who I am and to this day, I still get out of my bed for that reason (and for food, of course!). During high school I wasn’t the best pupil, from year 7 till half way through year 10 I was a naughty little shit, I’d hit people, I wouldn’t listen, I’d swear at teachers, I’d storm out of lessons and I’d through chairs at people and flip tables because I was constantly angry, but when I came out for some reason I turned into some super nerd that left school with 4 distinction stars, 4 passes, 2 C’s and 1 D even though I was predicted E’s and F’s and thankfully passing school has got me into college to make sure I have the best future possible. Another positive of coming out was that before I did, I thought I knew who cared about me but as soon as I came out everybody’s true colours started to show, the people who I thought hated me actually supported me and my true friends of about 5 people stuck by me, but now I’m only close to one of them now but they stuck by me during a hard time in life and I’m thankful for that!, Whilst coming out I had one thing to do: educate the people who didn’t understand, I tried my best and hopefully I did it well to tell people what it meant to be transgender and it made them feel a little better and understand more which can hopefully, help another trans person in the near future. My last key point of the positives of my coming out is that I’m not ashamed of who I am, everybody around me knows that I’m trans, if I could I’d shout it from the rooftops because it’s who I am and I should never be ashamed of it! 🙂
Even though there was positives and negatives when coming out I’m hands down thankful that I did make such a diaristic decision because now I can be myself without any worry on the world and I’m on the road to recovery and things are looking up for me, finally