confused?

Everybody says that being transgender is a ‘phase’ and that I am just confused. You know what is confusing? Growing up having to be the ‘ideal’ girl who wears dresses, who loves playing with dolls and wearing pink. I wasn’t that sort of child, I was the child with the doctor who room, I was the kid who would choose going outside getting covered in mud than play with dolls. During school I was one of the only girls on the football and rugby teams. At the age of 11 I was confused when puberty began and my body started to show somebody I wasn’t, but people told me that I was becoming a ‘beautiful young lady’. I remember this one memory when someone said ‘close your legs, girls don’t act like that’, but that’s the thing, I didn’t feel like that on the inside. By the age of 14 I was ready to give up with my life because I couldn’t take the constant battle of me hating my body and others not perceiving my body of how I saw it, society told me to act like a girl when I’m not a girl. One of my nicknames during high school was ‘Kirsten boy’ but as soon as i came out people said ‘you’re too feminine to be a boy’ or ‘you’re not a boy’, why can’t i look the way i want too, or be the gender that i feel on the inside, surly whats on the inside counts, right?. I’ve been confused for a long time when all people saw of me was a walking, talking girl. I hate the fact that I am seen as someone who has to live up to the female gender role that society has given people. I’m sorry but I’m not a beautiful picture perfect girl and I never will be. But if you’re willing to let me be who I am, I could be a handsome picture perfect boy.

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